Today was painful, for lots of reasons. Facilities and the atmosphere right now at my hostel aren’t helping either. All the incidents + events of today’s hike are exactly the type of thing I wanted to avoid when I made my decision to cut things short yesterday.
Yet this reaffirmation of my decision isn’t helping me feel any better: what has transpired is disappointing and frustrating. At so many points + turns I just wasn’t in the mood + drastically changed my plans on 2 key occasions, yet after I felt full of regret + sorrow. My intuitive radar wasn’t in sync at all today, I just felt so unlike myself + out of place + character. I feel so awful I just want to go home + greatly look forward to getting back.
The Hike
I started out at the National Trust car park in Wasdale Head, which was surprisingly close to the Scafell Massif, but instead made my way up towards and along the fells of Illgill Head + Whin Rigg. I initially planned to return into Wasdale Valley via Greathall Gill, but abandoned my plan of scaling the fells on the other side of Wastwater (Buckbarrow, Seatallan + Middle Fell) and instead decided to take in the view of the Irish Sea for much longer.
This led me towards Irton Fell, after which I took a detour into the valley via Latterbarrow Wood. This detour had a dreadfully boggy trail, which I largely attributed to recent downpours, but the rainbow that randomly appeared in front of me was mesmerising.
From Latterbarrow Wood I treaded towards the curiously situated Low Wood. As it sat opposite Wasdale Head, I thought it would give me a great view across Wastwater so headed over. It was cool, nothing humungously special but what really intrigued me was the area where Wastwater fed into River Irt, right by Wastwater Screes. It looked very serene + isolated, and I couldn’t help but browse.
My curiosity piqued so much I decided to scramble across Wastwater Screes at the foot of Whin Rigg, but too much annoyance in the aftermath, I decided to turn back despite successfully navigating a third to a half of The Screes. Why? Well I met a couple who had struggle for a couple of hours, and after a sudden downpour increased the risk of scrambling along the boulders and time ticking fast, I thought it would be safer to turn back and walk along the road on the other side of the lake.
This was my biggest regret of the day. Rarely do I walk back along a trail I have treaded so extensively. I like moving forward or in circulars. So I went back towards Low Wood, cut through the wood itself then walked back along the unnamed road running along the lake to reach the car park. What burnt me even more was having The Screes staring at me as I walked along Wastwater, and could see where I had gone and how little I actually had left. Plus, I had actually navigated the most technical terrain of The Screes too. I was annoyed + disappointed with myself.
Highlights
Surprisingly I’ve identified quite a few highlights considering how dreadful + disappointing I found the day. I am trying hard to be grateful + optimistic about my experience so maybe that’s it, but I want to be honest and transparent about how I feel.
Hardknott Pass + Wrynose Pass
I felt very nervous about navigating Hardknott Pass + Wrynoss Pass after reading so much about them. Elevation of 393m? Dangerous road? 30% gradient? I’ve not been actively driving 4 wheels for long so I was slightly apprehensive. Simultaneously, I have lots of road experience and didn’t have many other decent alternatives so went for it. It’s a shame I don’t have shots of all that I saw, it was scintillating. Some of the views along the way gripped me very succinctly + briefly but I had to maintain focus. But I would love to come through once more and take more pauses along the way, particularly at the highest point. Some of the views were spectacular.
Illgill Head to Whin Rigg
It was blisteringly windy when wheeling across Illgill Head and Whin Rigg, so much I at times felt the blaze would burst + tear the flesh off my face! On one hand, WOW! So much power + energy, it felt so uplifting, yet on the other, scary! On approach I did my thing where I ran + roared sporadically off-piste searching for the most vivid viewpoints over Wastwater + Wasdale Head at points where the relief suddenly switched from shallow to steep. Great panoramas. Cold, yet plenty of fun. It’s a shame I didn’t start nearby and didn’t get here very early to have more time to immerse myself in the energy. I could see so much ahead, it was wonderful.
Irish Sea
As I continued along the same bearing from Whin Rigg, I couldn’t help but get sucked into succulent views of the Irish Sea, with my scope spanning a huge stretch of coast taking in Barrow-in-Furness on my left, and Whitehaven on my right. It was along this stretch where I suddenly became hyper attuned to my marauding mood. At first it was nostalgic seeing Burnmoor Tarn + Eskdale Fell where I spent my first ever night in the Lake District during my teen years wild camping. Yet as I hoovered along the trail I kept peeping over towards Buckbarrow, Seatallan + Middle Fell, scanning it’s terrain, chroma + contours in search for trails I could tow. Something wasn’t right, it didn’t carry any appeal or magnetism, it instead just made me feel dreary, lazy + inhibited. So when I decided not to venture over, the evolving views of the sea was the only thing that kept me afloat.
Wastwater
The lake liquidated an ooze of calm + vigour when I rolled through in the morning towards Wasdale Head. Seeing The Screes tantalised + mesmerised, and I wanted to just stop + gaze over the lake. I think it’s vastness is a major reason why I abandoned my plan to scale fells on the other side of Wastwater as I wanted to steadily stroll along and take in the scenes. It’s something I had never done on previous visits to the Lakes as the fells always took precedence. So walking back along the lake may have stirred regret because of my u-turn along The Screes but also enabled me to appreciate the wisdom of Wastwater. Wise? Well, yes, because it paraded that way, swaying strong like it held its own for a very long time and wasn’t about to make way anytime soon.
Scafell Massif
But I still felt depleted + degraded despite the gold dust of dusk sweeping the screes + gleaming upon the grass on the lake edge. I continued to trod + flit between grass and concrete, darting my neck back + forth for all the cars passing me by as I zig-zag from one side to the other of the road. It was almost humiliating, the feeling in me. It was like a lap of loss, not victory, for some reason. Yet persistently burning bright in the distance was the Scafell Massif, and my gaze was drawn to it’s contours like a moth to a flame. I became transfixed with it, and all I wanted to do for a while was find the right spot to grab a shot to capture the moment.
and my gaze was drawn to it’s contours like a moth to a flame
It gave me hope. It gave me the feeling I didn’t have when looking upon the other fells earlier in the fells. That inner voice that instantly says ‘I want to go there’ so often when I’m out hiking. I heard it once more, and was hopeful, that there would be better days ahead.
Lessons
Follow through with your intuition
After the saga + regret of scrambling across The Screes, performing a u-turn then being tortured by a constant view of it again on the other side of the lake, it taught me something very important: always follow through with your intuition. I’ll confess, it was mixed. When I decided, I had less conviction than normal and something didn’t feel right, but I also believed that I would be fine + could make my way through. So believe in myself, always important. I can make it happen.
Redemption Challenge
Just to bring closure to what happened today, if I was to come back I have a route in mind that would settle what I feel I should have done on this occasion, hence redemption. I may, of course, have greater acceptance of what happened today and change my mind in the future. But yes, the challenge would probably involve me starting from Wasdale Head again. Only this time I would go anti-clockwise, starting with Middle Fell and taking myself in whatever direction I feel. I could hit up Seatallan then Buckbarrow, but I could also lengthen things to include fells such as Haycock + Caw Fell. I would dip back towards Low Wood, then scramble The Screes to get back to the car park. It would be a mission of sorts, yet I would try to savour it simultaneously. Let’s see what the future holds.
There will be days, like this
This whole area was certainly an intriguing place, beaming with boundless potential, and thus I feel, in some ways, I just wasn’t able to appreciate it fully like I normally would. This is hard for me because I always strive to make the most out of the time + opportunities that I have. But I guess I must accept that there will always be days like this. Days where your decisions just feel like the wrong size clothes or food that is too hot or cold. The sweet spot suddenly seems a distant secluded memory. But I have to believe, want to believe, and somewhat deep down do still have a flicker of belief, that there will be better days ahead.
To view my photo album from this day visit: https://flic.kr/s/aHsmWRyNCS
drBACKPACK 